So here is the post I have procrastinated for a
long time. The question I get asked the most is "well what about
socialization?"
I will start out by saying that I am not going to
sugar coat this post. This entry is completely how I feel. You can take it as
you want and are free to leave comments, but just know that I am completely
happy with the way my kids are at this very moment. Happy, confident,
extremely social children that know who they are and no amount of negative
feedback will change my stance on this topic. Well, now that we have this out
of the way I will continue.
Now what I am about to say first is DEFINITELY
going to ruffle some feathers. So what do I have to say about socialization?
Well here goes . . . "It's not an issue because we're not raising
socialists."(*)
Now if you are a socialist than you can stop reading RIGHT NOW, because
we are clearly NOT going to see eye to eye. But . . . if you are not a
socialist then by all means PLEASE keep reading and hear me out. Let me
first start out by sharing with you a couple definitions of socializing that I
found. The first comes from the Collins English Dictionary
socialize, socialise [ˈsəʊʃəˌlaɪz]
vb
1. (intr) to behave in a
friendly or sociable manner
2. (Sociology) (tr) to prepare
for life in society
3. (Government, Politics &
Diplomacy) (tr) Chiefly US to alter or create so as to be in accordance with
socialist principles, as by nationalization
socializable , socialisable adj
socializer , socialiser n
The other definition I found
comes from Random House Dicitionary
so•cial•ize (ˈsoÊŠ ʃəˌlaɪz)
v. -ized, -iz•ing. v.t.
1. to make social; make fit for life in
companionship with others.
2. to make socialistic;
establish or regulate according to the theories of socialism.
3. to require student participation in:
socialized instruction.
v.i.
4. to associate or mingle sociably with
others.
So obviously I enlarged and
bolded the parts of these definitions I found to be most interesting. For a
very long time we have felt the schools are trying to take children and turn
them into a collective. That everyone should be on the same level because we
wouldn’t want to make anyone feel bad or hurt anyone’s feelings. What happened
to the days that if you were behind in a subject you work extra hard until you
improve? I’m pretty sure those days are long gone. I know that there are still
some teachers out there that really do make an effort to push their students to
work harder, but how much can we expect in a class of 30 and the very high
probability of having to deal with disciplinary issues. So how realistic is
this mentality of everyone should be on the same level be when they enter “the
real world”?. We all know that this just
isn’t true. So if you look under the
first definition of socialization it states, to prepare for life in society,
are we really accomplishing this in our schools?
In our homeschool, I push my kids. I expect a
lot from them. And because of that they are a year plus ahead in math. This is
not because my eldest daughter is a math wiz. Trust me! She’s not! It’s because
I have a high standard and she knows that I expect her to meet that standard and
she has to work hard for it. On the flip side her younger sister is a math wiz.
It has ALWAYS come easy for her and there is a good possibility that she will
surpass her older sister. Should I hold her back at the risk of hurting her
older sisters feelings? HECK NO!!! This is a subject she excels in. She knows
it and her sister knows it. And they are both ok with it. My eldest happens to
LOVE art and is much better and interested in all things artsy and is really
good at it, where as her younger sister . . . not so much. But again we all
know our weaknesses and our strengths and we continue to become stronger in our
weaknesses and enjoy our strengths.
So now that I covered the
socialist side of socialization I’ll delve into what the rest of the world
considers to be proper socialization.
I’m not exactly sure what people are thinking when asking the
socialization question. I kind of feel like people think I hide my kids under a
rock and don’t let them outside, at all. There are a lot of areas of
socialization but I think the basic, main one is to have an understanding of
how to behave appropriately in different situations and knowing how to interact
with a wide variety of people. Public and private schools
are big places where kids learn by trial and error. There main influences are
their peers and their teachers. Here are some social traits
that I choose not to expose my children to:
1. Keeps Children Childish: kids learn to behave by imitation
and there is a lot of pressure to conform in group settings. Locking kids in a
room full of other kids during the better part of the day delays growing up by
denying access to mature role models.
2. Distracts from Learning: Do you think
the main focus of school should be on learning? How difficult will it be for a
child to concentrate if they are distracted by other student’s passing notes,
texting on a cell phone, or if they are thinking about who has the latest
designer sneakers?
3. Teaches Disrespect for Others: Age
segregation teaches children to dislike younger kids as well as older adults.
The very act of creating a group based on the arbitrary factor of age produces
this result. Psychology teaches that people tend to like members of their group
and dislike members of other groups. When children spend the majority of their
time in school it teaches them that the most important group consists of those
that are the same age.
4. Negative
Moral Values: Some people feel that by sending their children to public school
they will able to be a light to those in a troubled world. And I think that is
true, but I also think there is a greater risk for them going the way of the
world, especially as our society’s moral values seem to be falling into areas
of gray rather than defined rights and wrongs. I often think of this image . .
. if a my child was sitting on a train track and a train was coming would I
just sit there and watch and hope they would get up and move to safety, or
would I actively go and remove them and bring them to safety. Kids are exposed
to more and more and a younger age and should I just stand by and HOPE that I
have taught them enough in there few hours at home that they will be able to
withstand the temptations of the world. My hope is that by having them at home
I am giving them a more solid foundation so when they do go out into the real
world they will know how to stand firm.
So back to the school
setting, sometimes the teachers are there to guide them in how to act
appropriately but most often they are too busy to guide them in how they should
act. And lets get real here, people, sometimes even the teachers aren’t the
best guides at how to act appropriately. I do want to take this moment though
to say that there are great teachers out in the world. AMAZING teachers!!! But
they can only do so much.
At home, I have the time,
ability and opportunity to teach my children proper social skills. I can also
put my kids in a variety of social settings than that of traditional public
school.
So maybe I’ll take this
moment to share different ways homeschooled kids can learn “proper” social
skills. I found these on an online article and they are exactly what we do and
how we feel so here goes.
1.Start at
home. In any family, homeschooled or otherwise, good social skills should begin
early and in the home. As soon as your baby is born, he is observing the world
around him. And while he is very young, that world is typically the confines of
your house. Begin early by modeling good social behavior at home. Treat each
other with respect, and he will soak up that information immediately. As he
gets older and can communicate, you can correct his behaviors and instruct him
directly as to how to treat his siblings, parents, and other people.
2.Join
homeschool groups and co-ops. There are many benefits to joining up with a
group of like-minded homeschoolers. You can share resources, expensive
equipment, expertise, and time. As for socializing, working with other
homeschoolers gives your kids the opportunity to make friends. Being around
other kids is a crucial part of your children’s social development. With a
homeschool co-op, you get to control the type of friends your kids make. You
can avoid the bad influences over which you have no control in a public school
setting.
3.Meet the
neighbors. Even if you live in a very rural area, you surely have some
neighbors. Encourage your kids to get out there and meet their peers. Even if
the other kids go to school during the day, there is no reason they cannot get
together to play in the afternoons or on weekends. Socializing with kids who
are schooled traditionally can offer a good chance for your kids to learn about
how other people live. It may also give them an appreciation for being
homeschooled.
4.Play sports. Joining
a sports team is an excellent way for kids to make friends and to stay active.
You may be able to find homeschooling sports leagues, but you can also join up
with your local community teams. Playing sports helps your kids learn to play
well with others, follow rules, and deal with conflicts that inevitably will
arise.
5.Volunteer. To
get your kids out into the real world to experience different types of people
and varied social situations, volunteer work is a great idea. With your
flexible schedule, you have the chance to take your kids out to do volunteer
work that other children can’t do because of school. They get to meet more
adults and can practice their social skills in new situations. And, of course,
volunteer work is also an excellent way to instill values of compassion and
service.
6.Get part-time
jobs. Another way to get your older children into real world settings is paid
work. Your teenagers can benefit greatly from working a few hours a week. They
have the flexibility in their schedules to consider different types of jobs.
Working further teaches your kids social skills by putting them into yet
another situation in which such skills are needed. While other kids are sitting
in the same old classroom, your child could be earning and learning.
7.Join church
groups. Your church is an outstanding source for social activities. Your
children can make friends who are being raised with the same values and
beliefs. Look for bible study classes, youth ministry groups, and even
missionary trips. Any group organized by your church is worthwhile for your
children’s socialization.
8.Spend time with grandma and grandpa. Another opportunity you
have with your flexible homeschooling
schedule is to give your kids more time with their grandparents. Your parents
and your in-laws are a great resource, not just for socializing, but also for
valuable lessons in values, respect, and history. They have so much to teach
your children about their life experiences.
So all of these ideas are great ways homeschooled
kids to become well rounded and socialized. Being homeschooled doesn’t mean you
should lock yourselves up at home, bolt the doors and never leave. And you
shouldn’t. Kids need to have friends their own age and also experience time
away from their parents to learn some independence and how to socialize on
their own. Give them a good solid foundation at home and then let them
experience different situations and make new friends.
I hope this has shown you some valid points in
why we choose not to let public schools teach our children socialization and
why we choose to teach our kids that subject at home. My kids have PLENTY of
time to mingle with other kids as well as adults and I truly feel they are
better because of it. And I just want to say that I am not trying to say that
homeschooling is for everyone by writing this post. I mainly wrote this to
address the socialization question that I receive time and time again. And I
hope it gets you thinking and maybe not be so quick to say, “Well, what about
socialization?”
So in conclusion, I just want to sum it up by
saying this post is solely based on what I know from having attended public
school and what I hear other parents complaining about what their children
experience in public schools. I could be completely off base since my kids have
never been in public school. But what I do know is that the moral decline in
society is very real and that teachers are increasingly becoming a replacement for
parents and I might go as far as saying they take that role to be more
important than educator. We have personally chosen to keep our children at home
and be the main influence in their lives while still exposing them to great
experiences outside our home to learn how to be wonderful assets to society
when they grow up.
*I received some of this information via
various websites, however over the course of the several days it’s taken me to
write this post I can’t find where those links are. So if I used your
information, Thanks!
